The prodigal blogger returns
The last three weeks have been CRAZY for me! Really, truly all over the map both figuratively and literally. Between holidays, ill (very ill) family members, and unexpectedly ending up in charge of my niece and nephews for a few days (which I loved by the way), I’ve been a quite preoccupied. Even if I’d had the time to blog, I wouldn’t have had the head space. And as much as I LOVE my family, I was ready to come HOME. My introverted self was beginning to demand the attention she was not receiving by poking at my frayed emotions. I am now home and I am thankful.
The Wisdom of Grey’s Anatomy or “I’m an Imperfect Person.”
It is here that I must divulge one of my closely (well, not that closely) guarded secrets. I love television. I DO. I love it. Not in an “I will plan other activities around a certain night or time” kind of way, but I love it none the less. In reality, I actually don’t watch the original broadcast most of the time. I watch it later,at my convenience, on the internet (what did I do before this invention, seriously). Also, I don’t watch many shows, but the ones I do, I enjoy throoughly.
This afternoonn in my funk of illness, I took the opportunity to catch up on one of my current, and most shameful., favorites: Grey’s Anatomy. Now, GA is not the most profound show, and I will admit it has more than its share of soap opera qualities, but it has some terrific one liners and some great moments.
I will spare you the character study currently occupying my thoughts, but there is a recent addition to the roster who intrigues me. She is a nurse named Rose, and she is confident, witty, and, in many ways a contrast to the whiny (but lovable) Meredith. Right now, Rose has a little window in a little tiny corner of the story line, but I like her. She is interesting.
She has a fantastic attitude and a great standard comeback line which I thoroughly plan to employ. She neither accepts or denies blame, when she messes up or when people (specifically Derek) call her on the carpet. She simply looks them straight in the eye and says “I’m an imperfect person,” and moves on. How simple, and profound. “I’m an imperfect person. Deal with it, accept it, accept me or don’t, and move on.”
Anne Lamott says that perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. I know that she is right. What freedom there is in owning that I am NOT perfect and NEVER will be. I am an imperfect person. I wonder how many times I will use it tomorrow.
Snow Day!
It’s actually more of an ICE day. Here in Chicagoland everything has pretty much come to a stand still because we have a half an inch of ice on the ground, so I am home today, which is good because, once again, my cold has reared its ugly head. I don’t think I had one cold all year last year, and this is my THIRD since September. Grrr…
Prayer
Just a quickie post to ask anyone who might be reading for some prayer.
#1 on my heart is my sister-in-law, who will be having surgery on Thursday. She was diagnosed a while back with an arachnoid cyst in her brain, and because of it, has had many, many health issues over the last couple of years; everything from chronic and debilitating migraines, to temporary paralysis. It’s not good. They are finally going to be draining and/or removing it this week, so if you’re reading this, please, please pray for her. Her prognosis is good, but digging around in someone’s brain is not something to be taken lightly. She is a tough chick who is an amazing mom and friend, and this is scary, scary stuff. I love her, and her husband (my brother) and kids love and need her, and we want her WELL and out in the world kicking some butt again SOON.
#2 My Boss. I have an interesting and multi-facted relationship with my this man. I have great, great respect for him on many levels and really enjoy him, yet there are days when I want to string him up and dare not linger near his office for fear of not being able to hold my tongue. He is a hard worker and truly, deeply cares about both students and teachers, working hard to make everyone in the school feel valuable. I could go on and on – we have some really interesting conversations.
My request is twofold. Firstly, pray for him as he does not have a relationship with Jesus, and he really needs one. Right now he’s having some issues with at least one of his kids, and things at home are really tough. I don’t know the details, but he spoke with me about it because I have a concert tonight that he can’t attend (please, I am a big girl and can handle it. your family comes first!). As we were talking, I could see in his eyes that he was struggling, and I know that this is episode is just a reopening of old wounds. He needs Christ’s hope. Secondly, pray for me as God continues to give me opportunities to whisper truth into this man’s life, and I am afraid I’m just not very good at it. My work ethic and example have won his trust, his respect, and the right to be heard, but often, I don’t know what to say. I am not good at bridging the personal and the professional, and yet God has granted me favor with him. I have his ear. It is my privilege and responsibility to be Jesus to him.
The race is on
I’m just a little bit scared to talk about this because this is NOT a political blog, and I do not want it to be, but I think I have to talk a little bit about politics tonight. It’s on my mind, so it’s going in the post. Here goes…
I’m not going to go down the Bush road, firstly, because though I respect him and think he was forced to make a lot of difficult and necessary decisions, I do have mixed feelings about him and his administration. Secondly, he’s all ready in. Doesn’t matter what you or I think. He is our leader for the next year, and like him or not, God has allowed it. He expects us to respect and pray for our leaders (though nowhere in the Bible does it say that we must always agree with them). Also, I really, really do not want to talk about the war. That being said, I would like to talk about the future. What’s next? Who is next? Who should be next?
Those of you who know me know that I am more than a little cynical about politics… and I am not terribly excited about polticians. I hate being treated like a sheep by the left and a robot by the right. I hate it that both sides seem to have no goal other than to attack eachother and to propogandize me. I hate it that their words continually leave me mistrusting and disillusioned. Why are we taking baby steps toward progress when we should be leaping? Why does change end up mired in the sand and abandoned for the green grasses of the comfortable. Albert Einstein said that ” The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I think we just might be insane.
I long for a president who has a fire in his belly and a passion in his soul, whose actions speak louder than his words, and who cares about people more than he cares about being the president. I long for a president who sees that the paint on the walls of the social programs of this country are peeling, who is ready to roll up his sleeves and renovate. I long for a president who persues out of the box programs to effect systemic change. I long for a president who inspires change and who inspires hearts. I know this is idealistic. I do not care.
I realize that the above paragraph,perhaps, romanticizes the presidency a little bit, but my goodness, this person will be the leader of one of the most powerful countries on the earth. I don’t apologize for having high expectations. Actually, I have high expectations for everyone in authority (just ask my poor boss). Perhaps if we all have them, he or she will meet them. It works in my classroom.
Not my problem any more!
Oh, it’s been a crazy week. I am so very thankful it’s Saturday, and while there is much in my home that needs to be done, I’m pretty focused on spending the day reading, writing, and watching at least one movie musical. Okay, I’ll do some laundry and vacuum, but I’m afraid that’s going to be about it for practical productivity. Anyone know if “What Not to Wear” is on today?
As I mentioned in a previous entry, I realized earlier this week that the G.A. essays are due on Monday – which means that they HAD to be in the mail yesterday. Thankfully, they are. Everyone got their reference letters done, which only a little drama (my principal finally found his “official envelope” mangled in the bottom of his briefcase), and I placed the grande sized manilla envelope in the outgoing mailbox at 7:30 yesterday morning. Whew!
Needless to say, there was a LOT of writing this week. I took a half day off on Friday to sit in Starbucks and ponder. Mon, Tues, and Wed I was up until 1:00 and Thursday until 3:30. It was like being in graduate school again. Some of the writing came easily, either because it was a straightforward, just the facts please topic, or because it just flowed easily out of me. Others were more of a struggle. The essay topics included bullet points that were not necessarily organized in the manner I would have organized them! I made it work, and while it’s not all stellar writing, I don’t think it’s half bad. Had spent the entire last three weeks writing and editing, reviewing writing manuals and soliciting advice, it would still have been a crapshoot as to whether any decisioin makers even took notice. If I win, it will be divine intervention, and the reality is, it ain’t my problem any more. (I still want to win!)
Below is another snippet of one of my submissions. The actual essay is about three pages long. These are the first two paragaphs.
The children of (the school where I teach) have seen too much. They have heard too much, and they know too much. These are children who shoulder the responsibility to ready younger siblings and get them out the door to school on time and who may or may not be dressed appropriately when they arrive. These are children who live with their grandmother because their mother can not keep them clothed and fed, and who, perhaps, have not seen their father for years because he is in prison. These are children whose upstairs neighbor was murdered by her boyfriend in the middle of the night as they slept below. These are the children of (my school). This is the life they know. And yet…
These same children shout with joy as a newly rhythm pattern resonates from their drum. They share stories of loss and pain as they connect with soulful melodies, and beg to “do it again!” as they passionately sing songs of hope and inspiration. These are children who are inspired by story and music of the civil rights movement, and the genius of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. These are the children of xxxx School. They are resilient and they are survivors. They are hungry for someone to show them that they have options and long to know that the world is bigger than their neighborhood and that their lives can be bigger than those they have witnessed.
Sola Dei Gloria
Golden Apple Essay Post #1
I thought I would post my Golden Apple essays. There are 11 in total. I have two finished. They must be done by Friday. I am a SLOW writer. I’m praying for a snow day. Seriously.
Here it is. Comments are welcome. If I you think I need to change anything, let me know before I send it in!
a) The most influential teacher in my life was a man named Carl Pullen. Mr. Pullen was my ninth grade German teacher, my humanities teacher my senior year of high school, and he is one of the main reasons I am an artist and a teacher today. His class was highly interactive and he somehow managed to make it both practical and inspirational. In Mr. Pullen’s class, you did not just conjugate German verbs about eating, you role played a dinner at a German restaurant complete with menus, waiters, and instructions on cultural etiquette. Before you knew it, you were ready for a night out in Berlin, and you barely even realized that you were learning! It never felt like work. In Mr. Pullen’s humanities class, you didn’t just read about sculpture and dance; you sculpted and you danced! He was an amazing teacher who captured his students with stories about his life, his travels abroad, and his family. He was very, very funny, and was able to speak intelligently on a wide array of subjects. Most importantly, however, he inspired his students. He opened up a whole new world of art and literature, exposing us to old ideas that were brand new to us. He taught the Greek classics and used high quality, excellent, modern examples to make them come alive. He taught history and philosophy and talked not just about the who’s and what’s, but the why’s. I believe that I learned more about the world in Mr. Pullen’s classes than I did in any traditional history class I could have taken. Mr. Pullen’s teaching has affected my own on many levels. He is certainly one of the reasons I chose teaching as a profession, but beyond that, his model of teaching lessons that were both inspirational and practical is something I use often. As a music teacher, I want my students to understand the rudiments of music. I want them to possess the ability to read and play and to sing, but more than that, I want it to mean something to them. I want them to recognize and value beauty. My desire is for my students to come to a place where learning music is its own intrinsic motivation. I craft classes that are fun and classes that take students beyond their own world. Rhythm is not just an exercise, it’s a game, and songs aren’t just melodies with nice or entertaining words, they are the expressions of real people with real stories to tell. Additionally, I strive to emulate Mr. Pullen’s model of exposing students to excellence. I take great care in choosing quality literature and musical pieces that have depth and meaning, regardless of my students’ ages and ability levels. Simple can be profound, and quality can be entertaining, but cute without depth or beauty just doesn’t cut it. I am grateful for Mr. Pullen and the positive effect he had on my life. I am keenly aware that who I am today is due, in part, to his influence and that of a hand full of other excellent teachers. Because of this, I understand and take very seriously the profound effect that my words, actions, and teaching may have upon my students.
Full Plate
Once again I have put more on my plate than I can realistically get done in the small window of time I’ve alotted myself. Why oh WHY do I continue to do this to myself. ARGH!
Honestly, this time a lot of the issues are just due to my own poor planning and time management. My Golden Apple essays and letters are due Monday. Have I even started on my essays? That would be no. My “HOLIDAY” program is Monday (Kindergarten, First, and Second) and I am stressed about that as usual, AND I agreed to do a 10 minute PPT/Video clip presentation for the principals meeting in my district about our Oklahoma production. Have I delved into that yet? Another big fat NO.
And all I want to do is watch television….but alas…tonight, I write.
TLC Shows
Yesterday was a dreary and COLD day here in Chicagoland. I was feeling a little under the weather (literally and figuratively) and decided to burrow in for the evening.It turned out that there was a TV marathon of a TV show I had seen briefly once or twice, but yesterday I got hooked on John and Kate Plus 8. It’s fantastic! The kids are adorable and a riot, and Jon and Kate are as entertaining to me as the kids. The bicker and argue, but ultimately they love eachother and are terrific parents. Excellent show!
My other favorite TLC show is “Little People, Big World.” I am so inspired by the Roloffs uninhibited, take life by the horns attitude. What a fantastic example they are, and a huge inspiration to their kids. They never feel sorry for themselves because of their physical limitations and are also fantastic parents.
My advice: Skip Dr. Phil and watch Jon and Kate and LPBW. Two shows worth your time!
Writing and my Inner Life
It’s true. I am indeed a bad blogger. One post in about two weeks, I believe. So much for disciplined writing! Reading has been no better, so I guess I can’t expect much of myself. I am really finding that in order for me to write anything of worth, or for that matter, anything at all, I have to purposely seek consistent quiet time and inspiration in the form of reading Bible reading and reading about other spiritual matters, as well as other quality media. Good stuff in = good stuff out. Lately, there’s been very little in at all, and my a.m. routines have pretty much gone out the window since TG. I don’t bounce back very quickly. SO, here I am again…back at square one. Cranky, uninspired, and a feeling a little lost.
I need to find something consistent. For all of the large churches in my area, I can’t seem to find a regular Bible study or small group that works with my schedule, and I can’t find a group of friends to meet with regularly either. Frustrating. I do well in a structured setting and very much wish I could fine one. I realize that this is no excuse, but I am wishing outloud (on paper…er…in cyberspace).
The bottom line is that I struggle with consistent discipline in my spiritual life. Period. And of course, I feel guilty about it, but more than that, it really really affects me, and I do not like it.
I also need a good, deep, but not too overwhelming, personal Bible study. Any suggestions?
